newly old.

I am nibbling a raspberry cardamom scone and sipping a single origin espresso at Ristretto Roasters in NE Portland. It is sunny and the large glass garage door is wide open. A light breeze tickles my arm. It is my second summer as a resident of this city.

I see Portland differently now. I loved being new to the city last year. I loved those months of discovery. I was in the honeymoon stage of my relationship with this place. Everything was new, exciting and unfamiliar. Now, I am comfortable. I understand the rhythm of this city.

There is something to be said about familiarity. Newness is refreshing, but feeling settled brings a deep sense of peace. History has a richness to it.
I have my Portland spots. I know how, where, and with whom I want to spend my time this summer. Of course, as in any relationship, this city will still surprise me. I won't cease to discover new things or make new friendships, but it's nice to have my feet on the ground. I am firmly planted. This is my town now, and it feels good to be home.

Recap.

This Friday is my year-versary with Portland. It's a little hard to believe, but when I hit pause and think on all the things that have happened over the course of 12 months, it's actually quite believable. Days quickly turn into weeks, weeks into months, and it gets hard to separate the significant from the insignificant. That is the beauty of blogging people. Forced processing. Start writing, and something's bound to come to the surface.

I came to Portland with hope.
That's pretty much it.
I didn't know if things would work out, I didn't know if I would find a job, I didn't know if I would find a real sense of community, but I did know that the Lord wanted me here for reasons of His own. So I packed my things and moved down.
Things didn't fall into place all at once. I had to be patient- again, and again, and again...and again...and...again. I am still being patient, or more truthfully speaking, being forced to have patience. Quite the reoccurring lesson for me.
I moved into the guest room of an incredible couple. They generously shared their home with me as I struggled to find my footing.
I got a job working part time as a barista in the Alphabet district. I made coffee, I made pastries, I made friends. It was a great job to start out with, and part-time meant extra time to explore my new city. Since it was Spring when I arrived, I spent a good amount of time outdoors which continued into the summer. It is beautiful here. Green. Lush. Scenic. I walked to Forest Park after work. I rode my bike around Sauvie Island. I read books in the rose garden at Washington Park. I strolled along the boardwalk by the river. Life poured into me.
Come fall I got a new job in the SE as a full-time barista. The extra hours, and higher pay made it possible for me to move into a house in SE Portland- the focus area of my ministry.
I love my house. I love that I can walk to work. I love the Clinton neighborhood- the places and the people. Oh the people.
I have met some incredibles here. Some share many similarities, and some could not be more polar-opposite, but I love them. They are dear friends who shape me, challenge me, encourage me, and fill me with life.
I love the SE. It is a gem of a place. Since working at the bakery, I recognize many faces. I can walk to the grocery store and wave to my coffee shop 'regulars' working in their yards. I go to Clinton St. Pub with my co-workers after work to visit our friendly bartender, Wade, and talk it up with the fellow Clinton street service workers. It's a close community. Very close (some of my friends will read into that and giggle. They know why).
I go running in my neighborhood and pass by the quaint old houses, each with a history all their own. I feel connected.
On Sundays I hang out with my fellow church-planters, share a meal, a beer, and study the Word. I'm excited about where the Lord is taking us. I'm excited to root myself here.
In the past few months I have also been investing my time with an nonprofit called Oncology Youth Connection. The idea was birthed a few years ago, and it is finally starting to take off. Essentially it works to provide a sort of social support group for young adults with cancer. I have been playing the role of event coordinator, and am loving it. It's an incredible organization. The people I work with inspire me and I feel blessed to call them friends.
Sheesh. What a year, right?
It may sound picture perfect. It hasn't been, but I'm not choosing to talk about the struggles and the disappointments. We already know life is full of those. This is not a time to be cynical, because though I've faced some bumpy roads, I really do have much to be thankful for. There are reasons to be joyful, so I should celebrate them. After all, it is my year-versary.
This city has been good to me folks. Very good.
It may not be a place for everyone, but it is a place for me.

new.

New things are happening in my life.
Not necessarily things that I can identify as significant. Not yet anyhow.
I think it is more about the realization I finally have that there is always newness. That life is always stirring, never stagnant. New is a constant. It is something we can count on, but do not always see. It's a process we have to trust.
I have been thinking on this a lot lately. I am convinced my soul is connected to the seasons as I find it rather appropriate my thoughts are centering around the concept of "newness" on the cusp of spring.
Winter must be coming to a close. The light of Hope is piercing through the gray, and my heart is opening again.

frozen.

Every time I try to blog my mind draws a blank. I've been on hiatus for awhile now. I can't blog just to blog. I need to feel inspired. I need to feel a desire to share a piece of myself with a community. It's public vulnerability. A lot has been on my heart lately, but I want to keep it inside. I think it's the winter. It makes me process internally. It forces me into solitude. The darkness gets to me. The cold gets to me. I shut myself indoors and drown in tea and thoughts.
This can be a good thing, and a very hard thing. But, it's a season. I'm learning about myself...and maybe I'll have something to share about that..in the Spring :)

scent-iments.

We have a home scent. A signature 'home scent'. Every home has one; a scent that distinguishes one home from the next. Life has to stir inside a house for awhile until the aroma settles. Our sense of smell is said to be tied closely to our memory, giving us the ability to recall past events or experiences. It is personal. It can bring instant comfort and security. Every time I walk into my parents house I breathe in and sigh. It is home. It is childhood. It is love. Now, in Portland, I live in a new scent. The shared scent of three individuals coming together and embracing life. It is a mixture of old and new. Built in 1921, our house carries a lasting scent-let's call it 'history'. We bring the new. We fill it with life and breathe into its walls. We are writing our own story, and now it reeks of it. Mmm. I walk in the door and it greets me with warmth, acceptance, assurance, and safety. It is home.

Autumn. Is. Here. Autumn. Is. Here. Autumn. Is. Here.
The season for crisp air, rainy afternoons, flowy scarves, pumpkin spice, and Aaron Copland.
Summer can suck it. Hello Fall.

I find it so completely appropriate that this week has been a total transition in our weather as well as in my life. What a perfect parallel. There is no denying it. Fall is here to stay. Summer is gone. Ring out the old, ring in the new. I am now a resident of SE Portland living on a delightful street, in a delightful neighborhood, with 2 delightful housemates. Good grief. How did I get here? This is a season of blessing for me, and while we can be hesitant to claim that for ourselves with the "too good to be true" mentality, I am going to brush that aside and recognize it for the blessing that it is. There are and will be plenty of life struggles, but if we focus on living trouble to trouble we will miss out on enjoying the great things life has to offer. It is ok to be happy. It is ok to be content. Is it strange that we have to remind ourselves of that sometimes?
My life is far from perfect. My heart is still in a process of healing, I am emotionally unstable, and I live in a state of constant uncertainty. Yet, today I choose joy because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Until then, I shall sit in my favorite neighborhood coffee establishment, sip my americano, munch my maple scone, watch the rain fall, breathe in the fresh air, and grin.

Today I am pretending that it is Fall. I am sipping a large americano, and finishing off a delicious vegan blackberry muffin. I am sporting checkered green vans, a gray boyfriend tee, and a green skirt I found at a funky second-hand store. (Portlander points: 80). I am surrounded by a palette of browns, greens, rusts, and reds, with shelves of books and various nick knacks. This is Palio's on a not-quite-but-almost-autumn day.
I love the summer, but I turn giddy when I see the first yellow leaf fall to the ground. I love seasons, and how distinct each one is from the next. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter- each ones holds a different meaning, a different emotion, a different kind of energy. For me, Fall brings routine. Summer is all over the place. It is wild and carefree. Fall settles you down. Life begins to normalize. Kids go back to school, and adults, having used all their vacation time, go back to the office. The air gets cooler, the flowers wilt, the leaves change colors, and crunch under your feet. There is always that one day that you notice it for the first time. You wake up, walk outside and realize that Fall has arrived. You inhale deeply and let it out with a contented sigh.
This year, Fall holds a deeper meaning for me. Not only does it mark a new season in the calendar year, but a new season of life. I am finally at a place where I can root myself. I am joining a community that I feel blessed to be a part of. I have a peaceful sort of contentment and I cannot express how good that feels.

Ten thousand flowers in spring, 
the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer, 
snow in winter.
If your mind isn't clouded 
by unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life
- Wu Men